…a list
What is it about an unattainable goal that endlessly entices the ambitious, the otherwise-wise, and the established successful alike?
That pushes the normally rational to attempt the impossible over and over again at their own peril?
What is it about humans that when we see someone try something and fail we instantly think, “oh, I could do that”?
Rappers trying to use the phrase “I’m the shit” as a metaphor is the music equivalent of twitter haters kicking game-winning field goals.
They keep trying and it’s not good.
This Should Be Easier
It’s right there. The “I’m the shit” metaphor is right there on the tip of the…tongue.
It is an accomplishment so close yet so far out of reach for so many of our best rappers.
It turns out, that the more you try to rap-say “I’m the shit” the more it sounds like you’re rap-saying “I am similar to poop”.
I get it. This should be easier.
But as history in the form of this list will prove, trying to rap this poop metaphor has never worked out 100%.
There have been times, such as those on the “bottom” (read: top) of our list, where a rapper gets close, sooo close to the poop.
The key to those near-successes is the rappers ability to convey to the listener that they are comparing themselves to poop in a lighthearted manner.
Unfortunately, lightheartedness isn’t really raps strongest suit (Nelly’s Sweatsuit is of course, rap’s strongest suit), and so usually, “I’m the shit” is delivered in a serious tone which undermines the rappers intent for two important reasons:
- Because it’s poop.
- Poop is funny and should be treated as a joke
So here is a list of 12 instances in which rappers try and fail to use poop in a positive sounding way.
3 things to note:
- #12 is actually the most successful use of “i am poop” in a song
- While #1 is the absolute worst instance of a rapper telling the world they are feces
- Lil Wayne’s inclusion on this list stands in for every single one of his poop metaphors as exhaustingly documented by noisey.
12 Terrible Instances of Shit Talking
Above, the Spotify playlist of this article
#12.
Biggie, “Hypnotize”
Every cutie wit a booty bought a Coogi (hah!)
Now who’s the real dookie, meanin’ who’s really the shit
Biggie is the best. It would make sense that his version of the “I’m the shit” metaphor would be the most not-worst version ever.
It is clear he is the only person to ever live who can say the word “dookie” and sound cool. But even Notorious cannot get around the fact that it still sounds like he’s saying he is the “real poop” more than he’s saying “I’m the shit”.
#11.
2 Chainz on “Febreze”
Yea I’m the shit I should have Febreze on me
2 Chainz has the distinct advantage of already being a Top 5 funniest rappers of All Time.
Eminem used to make you laugh due to how unexpected and profoundly insulting his metaphors were. Tupac made the world chuckle with his now timeless phrase, “that’s why I fucked yo bitch, you fat motherfucker”. But 2 Chainz makes you laugh like you’re actually listening to a comedian.
He’s goofy in a really smart way that’s really hard to pull off in the world, let alone hip hop.
He also, in “Febreze”, doesn’t go out of his way to draw graphic depictions of poop, which as we’ll see, is a common land mine for those that seek to tell us they’re the shit.
And still, this man, when he walks into the room, smells so foul that any sane person’s only reasonable reaction would be to think that he should have Febreze on him.
#10.
Rick Ross, “Hold Me Back”
Damn. Just from the first 8 bars you can tell this is not a song that is going to, nor should, take things lightly.
It’s heavy, which as we know doesn’t bode well for being the shit.
But Ross might have pulled off a nostalgic, heartfelt, even sentimental toast to his own level of being the shit.
Momma workin’ three jobs ’til I told her to quit
How we rose from the sewers, funny now I’m the shit
I think it more or less works as a single bar. The amount of feces imagery it brings to mind is minimal and he conveys a sense of truly being the shit. But the placement weakens it. This is a beat that demands lines like the former, and punishes clever word play like the latter.
#9.
Tyler The Creator, “Tron Cat”
Tyler is outrageous. If you start out outrageous you can get away with a lot more than others can. For better of worse.
This line is possibly the least wild-ass thing Tyler says on this song.
Evident that I’m the shit
I’m the Pooh like Tigger, Dick
Now I’m thinking of Tigger’s…dick in Winnie the Pooh’s butt? And his dick is covered in poo?
Which is probably Tyler’s goal, but I don’t like it!
#8.
Young Jeezy on “Trap or Die”
Young Jeezy is funny.
He knows what he’s doing with lines like this.
Got diarrhea flow, now I shit on niggas
Even when I’m constipated I still shit on niggas
Not quite 2 Chainz or Tyler level, but he’s made me chuckle, especially when repeats sentences like this (see also: Jeezy as opportunist)
It makes you stop and think, “I didn’t think that line was worth repeating, but now I realize that it totally and absolutely is”.
While not being a 100% true-to-form “I’m the shit” metaphor the imagery of this is just too high to ignore.
It’s just diarrhea straight out of Jeezy’s mouth, while he raps, and it goes everywhere, all over everything.
#7.
Lil Wayne, “Famous”
I’m poo poo, meaning
I’m the shit on you turds
Sometimes you read a lyric out of context and it makes no sense.
Sometimes, you can find the context of a lyric and it still makes no sense.
This is a case where the lyrical really needs the music around it. Weezy has an almost spoken word/ word association flow that’s a lot more interesting to listen to than to read.
While the lyric achieves light hearted-ness, I’m still picturing Lil Wayne squating over someone and pooping on them, more than I’m picturing how cool Lil Wayne is.
And again, and this is a truly strange sentence to write, this one lyric is the stand in for the dozens of poop lyrics Lil Wayne has recorded.
#6.
ASAP Rocky, “Goldie”
We’re getting into the real stinkers here.
Yes, I’m the shit, tell me do it stink
It feel good waking up some money in the bank
Like Tyler earlier on this list, Rocky is trying to be gross. Unfortunately, it works.
#5.
Chris Brown on “Stranger Things”
I’ma show these niggas, I should grill these niggas
Take flex, Fresh Prince, Uncle Phil these niggas
Oh shit, I’m the shit, you could smell me, nigga
This whole song tries this hard. So does the video.
It never gets over the top enough, into outright ridiculousness with a chance at comedy, and yet it never backs down.
It walks an uncomfortable middle ground that’s almost, almost fascinating.
#4.
Childish Gambino, “Freaks & Geeks”
I’m the shit, when these dudes talk, they talkin’ bull me, ah
I’m hot as shit, comin’ out the backside of a rocket ship
“Talking bull me” succeeds at being clever but is it a cool thing to say?
It just doesn’t hit with the phonetic impact that it should for how smart of a punchline it is.
And in the next line Gambino is saying he’s both hot as poop coming out of a butt, and as hot as flames coming out of a rocket ship.
#3.
Kanye West on “Swagga Like Us”
How it feel to wake up and be the shit and the urine
Not only do we get a reference to poop, we also get to think about pee getting mixed in with the poop. Thanks Obama era Kanye.
#2.
J. Cole, “Dollar And A Dream 3”
I let you feel like the shit, but boy, you can’t out-fart me
While this is the only line on my list to appear on Westword’s Top 50 Worst Rap lines (and J. Cole’s equally horrendous line on “Planez”, i’m happy to say, shows up on Complex’s Top 26 Worst Lines), I think number 2 is a good place for it on any list.
I am almost in awe of this lyric. It’s next level in a way no one asked for.
#1.
Eminem on “Caterpillar”
Number one, but my pencils are number twos
‘Cause that’s all I dos with ‘em, poop is my pseudonym
On the john like a prostitute when I’m droppin’ a deuce
Poop is my pseudonym.
Poop…is my pseudonym.
Unlike most rappers on this list, who want to make it clear they are saying “I am the shit” with their poop metaphors, Em, in a props-worthy passage, takes no such easy way out. He forgoes with all pretense, and just says his other name is literally poop.
I’m not talking shit
In the beginning, this was a funny concept. By the end, it had taken so much more of my soul than I anticipated.
All these artists are exceptional. It’s easy and cowardly to take lyrics out of context and comment on them. And fun too.
But to spend so much time thinking about rapping and pooping (one after another, back and forth, rap, poop, rap, poop, rap, poop, rap, poop) both re-affirmed my faith in the merits of my undertaking, and wore at my morale to see this task to its conclusion.
I like to focus on the positive in art, and focusing so much on the negative, truly wading around in the shit, has proven a stinky job.